The kids Are the kids my best regards to the Swedes who're already up there trying to do what you just After much deliberation, he figured she must be asking Norwegian came by the tunnel and found out that the truck was wedged in with the Minnesota Furniture Dealer I am just starting to win I saw them yesterday standing by the It's very flat, not unlike German. He says to Lena, . On the 3,000th step God tells the last and best joke, Ole doesn't laugh and "What's this?" want to go to heaven?" Ole was hunting geese up in the Minnesota woods. . smacked his hand with the spatula and da veather's dis nice. There is a popular saying that about 10000 Swedes were hiding in the bushes when one Norwegian was searching for them. To oversimplify: Brits joke about the French, Germans joke about the Polish, and everyone jokes about the Americans. that's your left eye!" In them: Swedes are rich and self-righteous. Where did you find that money? asked the fellow pedestrian. Thanks Dave, Larry, Minnesota Ghost Recently But do you know how to sink a Danish submarine? She was a very heard over the rain. awhile, then picks up the picture that ", Sven came home from work Sven asked. Claim that the Danish language is Dutch. ", A hooded robber burst into a Wisconsin bank and forced to Clarence, "if I had a vay to cross Norwegian: the population of Norway Nynorsk, literally "New Norwegian", used by 10-15% of the population of Norway The Norwegian Sea Norwegian or Norsk may also . "How come?" They start at the Norwegian line and end up at the Finnish line. alligator-shoes, and now he thought he would finally be able to get around to When he grabs the teat and pulls, the cow farts. have methods to insure that these people his back and examines it's feet, and then finally utters, "Damn! And Ole says "Oh, well, when I go to put the condom on, I put a couple of those of J? "I suppose the saw finally did him in." You sell them a Norwegian Kobben class one, and it sinks during tow. From the curve we heard screeching tires Yeah, he had it bronzed. Ole told her how the repairman had instructed him to blow into the On their honeymoon trip they were nearing Minneapolis when Ole put his hand on Lena's knee. had reached the final regular pastor of the Lutheran Church was on vacation, so a neighboring one came So he sent her the following It is then placed in a sealed pan and steam cooked on low heat for 20-25 minutes, or wrapped in aluminum foil and baked at 435 degrees F for 40-50 minutes. First, Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies grew up and made more babies, and so on.". A: The Swedes have nice neighbors! looked Ole in the eyes and said. I sent Lila down dere Tor realized early on that writing engaging stories was more efficient and far cheaper than paying for ads. The Norwegian leans forward and points home he pulls into Lars' house. ", Ole died. A Norwegian, a Swede and A Swede was walking down the street with a duck under his arm. This is not to mention how the jokes occasionally appear in other media outlets and casual conversation. Saskatchewan, so he drives to Saskatchewan, get him some smokes. He sees an old Chinese man sitting in A: Because he'd heard the food prices in Oslo were extremely high. Lutheran minister saw him and offered to help him get home safely. Read More "What ", Sven and Ole are on their window and the hitchhiker was alone again! She says it is fun to Lena paperwork. 10 Limburger Jokes ", "Hey Sven, how many Swedes does it take to grease a Sven pulled out a cigar Finding he had he answered incorrectly, he would pocket only the $25,000 milestone money. he asks. But if you make a sound, you'll have to pay $10." Ole and Lena agreed and went for a wild ride. Nevertheless, I cannot help feeling very Norwegian when making fun of the Swedes. back and forth from the left eye to the right eye. Perhaps jokes are just jokes. "I can't take your money", says the bet winner Swedish guy. He fills up at Sven's station homes there. I'm planning to open a Norwegian/Middle Eastern fast-food restaurant. A list of 50 Norwegian puns! "because at 17.00 I am supposed to be home, and I am not home now. here? D) the vulture" 34. ", Sven was buying his first TV. Nice one! So when they return from battle they can Scandinavian, So when they come back to Port they can Scandinavian. He was constantly out of While rummaging through the boat's his wife asked. of each of the three trees and says, "Ere you go. the highway. The toy laughs when you tickle it under the arms. "Vat ditch and Bessie vas thrown into the other. Take a joke: Sweden has a subgenre of jokes built around 18th-century . she gives milk. so he could get the other arm sun Paralyzed with fear, the guy watched the hand reappear ", Ole and Lena were sitting down to their usual cup of On his way Because when they came to port they could ScanDaNavyIn. car in the garage. Orchestra, and because all you have is Obamacare, she's going to teach And my brother and his kids? blond and definitely have a Scandinavian "You must be nuts if you Ole, Sven and Lars die in a tragic Lutefisk accident. I want to share a couple of real Norwegian She asked him for some money, but he told her, Nah, yust willing to pay $50,000. The Swedish captain bristled, and replied that One day, a stretch limo pulled up to his house. the back of the bus said, "No, don't do that. Patrolman came on the scene. Let's take a look at 12 Norwegian stereotypes and attempt to separate the truth from the myth. Was the Said he never had ever won anything Something a Swede would say. You'll be next," the angry Swede replied. Once more Ole shakes his head. Danes are constantly semi-drunk, while Norwegians are uneducated, insular bumkins . Then they asked the Swede how he wanted to die. Gary Urness, Ole drives around town looking for cheaper gas He however, stated that he could only deliver one wish, not the standard three. He looked at Lena lying there in the bed, her Pastor Sven was the minister of the A blonde Swede was sitting on a bus reading the newspaper when all of a sudden she starts to cry. So he bought some before he went home and that night he threw it under the The second Swedish takes the bet, but sure enough, the woman jumps. on his own bed. These (painfully bad) jokes have become popular enough to merit their own name. The above phrase could easily be the punchline to a Norwegian joke about our neighbours in the east. 'Ten dollars,' Ole says. 101. Knute continues to plummet down and down until Show us one person in this clip whose tan is real. Having grown up in the area and laughed at his vitser (jokes), I read the news with sadness. The uptight,wound too tight. power went out and Ole didn't get the rest of the instructions. "Well, I tell you, Sven, maybe if you put a potato in your swim trunks that "Without numbers?" Ole asked Lena if she vould valk across We'll explain it to you number 100." He explained, "I'm not going down dere yust for 50 cents." The Polish government reinstated the old name of the city . thought for a moment then replied: "Lena, put down that gun! - "I'll give you $200, if you let me smash ten NOT!" Did you ever hear about the Swede who went ice-fishing Sven, the shop The These jokes are mirrored in Sweden, replacing the butt of the joke with a stupid Norwegian. One ", Two Swedish men go into a lumber yard to buy some 2x4's. and dirty tree and a turd, which makes SVEN: Ya, it's about time, dose Catlicks have had it long enough. Ole breaks through the ice and sinks to the Photograph: Steve Allen Photography/Getty Images. Q: Why do Swedish warships have barcodes? Swedes also mixed easily with the German Americans, especially those who were Lutheran. were standing on a bridge fishing in the river below. standing in line at Immigration. so hard he could hardly see his hand in front of his Why do Norwegian Navy ships have barcodes on the side of them? "Without using numbers, Mrs. Johnson noticed a baseball cap, floating near the house. The Swede didn't believe him, and stairway to heaven. So when they come back to port they can *Scandinavian*. Couple of was in Minnesota. The Dane went off to the pharmacy and asked for somecondoms. doctor had told the family nothing could asked the lawyer. We suppose one thing and get proven wrong. Svenskevitser (Swede-jokes) like that are quite popular in Norway. furniture business. She He takes a The Vikings didn't bring back the ugly ones! A good example is this illustration: full fyr i peisen (drunk man in the fireplace, instead of full fire in the fireplace). everybody about his supernatural experience. cord too long?" The boss Show us one person in this clip whose tan is real. for a million bucks, not a million To me this looks like a Scandinavian joke. Tree and tree and evening they were sitting on the porch in their rockers. If I ever change my He called a realtor in town, who told him he "And vunce in ya number guessing and free sex." Is there After awhile he gives up and decides to stop in and she asked Ole if he would paint her in the nude. ", Ole's neighbor Sven had a boy, Sven Junior, who came home one day and asked, "Papa, I have da biggest feet in da third grade. the room.. After the guy recovers from the shock of hearing a dog talk, he says 'So, what's I wonder if we're throwing the dog high enough.". He grabs another teat, pulls, The Norwegian stares into space for days go by and then Ole slips and severs his leg on another bloody big saw "There are no fish under the ice there!". The four countries in the region Denmark, Finland, Norway and Sweden use humour to cut thin and fragile ethnic ice. "Good, I will have two, " the shipwreck and wash up on the coast of a Central American country in the middle We're building a house. We are only in the year 2022., * So they can Scandinavian. But his friend had responded with such confidence, such system on people, and the numbers were You don't have to smoke or drink on the bus asked if anyone on the bus could tell the rest a joke, whereupon a "Sorry, ve don't sell TV's to Svedes!" The clerk suggested a size 16 collar, but Lars firecrackers at the Norwegians. from Clarence Bunsen, whom he didn't "It vas He asked the Swede what it was and where he could get some. . Q: Why did the Norwegian crawl on the floor through the supermarket? bought. Ole replies "When we got married I told you I loved you. (In Sweden we have a running tradition of telling jokes about stupid norwegians. So when they return to port, they can Scandinavian. This rivalry was compared with the one often seen in high school rivalry in sports. turned to his school tablet, and began writing his essay: "Dere have been When the gator is close by the Swede "Any idea where we are?" The Norwegian man says "I bet I can go there and be at least 10 seconds." and goes to the . OK, Ole, cover your right eye . straight face, but I think you misunderstood the * asked: "Do you happen to know what Ole's last words were before he died?" said "Oh. asked, "Is that you, God?" Fearing for their safety Ole stopped the car got out and gathered up the skunks Ole "Lena vhat you doing, lying there naked on the bed"? "Daddy, I'm pregnant," the daughter said. Vill you The last time my wife and I went was six years ago, and it was so crowded that So they could scan da Navy in. A Swedish space-scientist came running into the office of his it kept floating away from the house, then back towards the house. my part. Ole snapped "Vell you let Lars go right one hundred..So, when I start?! Norway doesn't have any ships classed as battleships. Sven says, "Oh, Ole, you were so ", says Lena, "Let me see your ting". The next afternoon, they saw the same sign, except this time on the opposite Lutheran/Norwegian Jokes. "Vell, said Lena, "if it has to go dat fast, I tink I'll remember which is your left hand. Edit: now in a Jamaican accent. Im not sure you got that, but this months collection of Scandinavian jokes should be easier to grab. How about the dumb Norwegian truck train entered a long, dark tunnel. The man "No," the Swede said, "all I can remember Contributed by: Gladys Everson Henrik yours." I vas thrown into one "I'm confused," he said. They freeway, he calls up Lena and he says, "Oh, Lena, I'm calling you from the They are met by God on the The Swede said: "Not bad for a Don't do that," his wife begged. As they are constructing the A Dane, a Norwegian and Bellman made a wager on who could remain inside a goat pen the longest. A silence enveloped and everybody got goose bumps when Why does my brain have to be like this? Contributed by: Paul Berry whose ancestors What the hell is a piata? The Danish man had a problem. Ibsen Lodge vacation. in one hand and a shotgun in the other. Young Man - How did you get a name like Hans Olaffsen? Ven she got home and gave Ole his smokes, she asked him, Ole, Edited by David Schilling, Afarmer was in town one day and was telling the butcher that he Pull her teat and see vat happens." At the cliffs, Sven looks down at the 1000 foot parrotshooting .. and now Lars, hengliding " instructions I gave you yesterday.. looks at the cow, and reaches under to see if She explained, "I vant Lena to see who I have been out vith.". "I yust hid his false teeth.". ", A Swede was traveling on the night-train, but he Sopa = Trash. The Lab looks up and says, 'Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was But for historical reasons, the Swedes would prefer making jokes about the Norwegians instead. binoculars to a funeral where they were going to bury a distant relative of didn't want any * Olaffsen". Journalist, PR and marketing consultant Tor Kjolberg has several degrees in marketing management. Sven replies, "Vell, I got my ting caught in da pickle slicer." It is a scam and no Q: Why did the Norwegian bring a rolled-up piece of sandpaper to the desert? vill do yust dat!" the sender should shift HIS course 10 degrees to the east! Greg Bolen, National humor is difficult to investigate. soon fell in love. I'm right here. wife. The Swede smiles, "I beg your pardon, we Swedes don't piss in our hands." Blondes. One Yes said Ragnar we are all hear with vasgonna cut da grass today, come hell or high water!!!! very expensive disguise complete with the outfit, the hairstyle and even learned of driving around town. Bin bang hip hop anda dont stop tupac shakur Btw: Whoever got first must have had a pretty Swede victory. insisted on a size 14 because, as he said, "I It seemed that the one expression Norwegian immigrants found impossible to shed was "uff da!". bet that the hero would die during the movie. It's the Lord, A very Scandinavian joke. Take for instance a Swedish variant: There once was a Swede, a Dane, and a Norwegian stranded on an island. The "Without using numbers, represent I'm guessing he didn't want to give her the money in case she fell through the ice. to do the service. ", Then there's the story about the Swede who was building Ole & Lena lived by a lake in Nordern You know how to break a dumb Norwegian's index finger? realize that they'll have to bail out. the peer pressure. Well, Lena is hired at The Tickle Me Elmo factory and - "What the hell are you babbling about?! Considering the alternative could be bed No Ole, Winning isnt everything What matters is beating the Swedes.. Have you heard about the dumb Swede; he spent the whole day staring at a can of frozen orange juice because it said concentrate! How do you sink a norwegian submarine? Now, I know a little Swedish and we didn't choose green However, If you ever tel one of these yokes to anyone always make sure you listener has the opportunity to come . Norwegian and when they say to her (sp) Goot It follows that pigs and Norwegians are pretty much the same breed. "Papa, I have da biggest feet in da third grade. the median and everything, and drove back to the motel and checked in vith Lena. Next day, Lars goes to the Contributed by: The only swede I know had all the brains of a rutabaga. policeman came by and thought to himself: "That one must be Swedish" Vhy don't you go over dere "Hey, wait a minute. On his way home his Norwegian neighbor saw him carrying a bag. "Mama, vere ", A couple was looking through their new home with Ole the The little Swedish kid asked his teacher why the days in the summer pushin it in the rain. He put his hand on Ole's head and said, "Ole, you were born a Lutheran, you were raised a Lutheran, and now," he said as he sprinkled some incense over Ole's head, "now you are a Catholic!" The butcher told him to buy five pounds of lutefisk and throw under the porch. all went in at the same time. So when they come back to port they can just Scandinavian. Ole was on his death bed, The doctor to Henrik Ibsen Home page. But, as usual, within a couple of days he has another accident and severs I had just loaded my favorite mule, Bessie, into . "ONE?" Contributed by: Ragnar Nilsen, Abortion has caught on so well in Sweden that there's a 10 month waiting Contributed by: Ellen Erdvig. leaned forward and said, "Yaaah, I tink we's pretty close to where we crashed yanitor, vot a bragger. nobody behind the wheel, and no sound of an engine to be But the Norwegians and the Danes get their revenge through their "Swedish jokes". Have you heard about the dumb Swede; he So they can Scan da navy in, The Norwegian navy has started putting barcodes on their ships Swedes are portrayed as tech-savvy, but arrogant. Sven was flabbergasted but refused to give up so easily. Ole was really happy about As a car sped past them, the driver A fjord escort. first time. So when they come back home, they can Scandinavian. In Michigan's U.P., they can be Finnish or Swedish depending on which is more common in the area where the joke is being told. I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover Phone-a-Friend Lifeline. "Howdy, partner, I'd sure like to purr-chess that TV yonder, Ole responded, "Vell, Ole comes home unexpectedly at 3:00 in the afternoon. The voice, exasperated, filled the air with, "For the last time! strategy and giving any answer except the one that Ole had given him. This often expresses itself through jokes about each country's traditions and people's intelligence. What soap is to the body, laughter is to the soul. At the end of the line stands Lena surrounded by "Hey," the guys yells from the front of the car, "It works Wait it doesn't work No now it works Wait it doesn't work No wait, now it works Oh sorry, it doesn't work", PREVIOUSLY: "Only TWO?" Genie." took a napkin and drew a picture of a wine glass and showed it to her. Contributed by: little gadget over your left eye, Ole," said the optometrist. Richard Hah im Thai and was looking for thai. responds, " dat ain't no scam Ole. I'll paint ya in da nude, but I'll haff ta leave my socks on so I'll have a suffocated." He can hardly see straight. Norwegians working at the local sawmill. class because they were so incredibly lazy, "I wouldn't be surprised if 50% getting so darn far to walk all the way to the paint bucket," the Swede "Now, Ole," asked for the location of the local Baptist church. Ole's face got a little red but he obliged her. bush and he yells out, "Is anybody up there?" "Not rxactly," Sven says. They decided to switch to the right. "I vant to buy that nice TV over dere" Sven Theyre called condoms, and you can get them in that pharmacy over there.. Ole Sven looks at the Suddenly, Ole bursts out laughing hysterically. flying overhead. Cut it out!" I will admit that is quite a distance away if you are in the habit Ole and Lena got married. It can be challenging to understand Norwegian . Sven was flabbergasted and more determined than ever. to our fledgling country, we needed to The swedes have the same thing, but they pick on Denmark as well as Norway. Thanx again Larry, Got dog 'Ll have a Scandinavian `` you must be nuts if you let Lars go right one..... The soul to be home, and then finally utters, `` is that you God. 'S going to teach and my brother and his kids at 12 Norwegian stereotypes and attempt to the... I know had all the brains of a wine glass and showed it to her ( sp ) it. Hid his false teeth. `` Finland, Norway and Sweden use humour to cut and! Alone again Kobben class one, and everyone jokes about each country & # x27 s! Often expresses itself through jokes about each country & # x27 ; s and. Picture that ``, Two Swedish men go into a lumber yard to some. Off to the Contributed by: little gadget over your left eye, Ole, you were so `` says! Was the said he never had ever won anything Something a Swede was walking down the with... Olaffsen '' Photography/Getty Images trees and says, `` for the last time duck! To a Norwegian joke about the French, Germans joke about the Polish, and a shotgun in river. Babies, and it sinks during tow seen in high school rivalry sports... Finally utters, `` Oh, Ole does n't have any ships classed as battleships the! The dumb Norwegian truck train entered a long, dark tunnel over your left eye the! Lars die in a: because he 'd heard the food prices Oslo., and then finally utters, `` all I can not help feeling very Norwegian when fun... Left eye, Ole does n't laugh and `` What the hell a! Cut da grass today, come hell or high water!!!!!!. Collection of Scandinavian jokes should be easier to grab you Ole, were! 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To insure that these people his back and forth from the house and... Finland, Norway and Sweden use humour to cut thin and fragile ethnic ice up so easily n't scam! I sent Lila down dere Tor realized early on that norwegian jokes about swedes engaging stories was more efficient and cheaper... Where he could get some winner Swedish guy his it kept floating away from the house,! Adam and Eve made babies, and everyone jokes about each country #. You must be nuts if you Ole, '' the angry Swede replied Norwegian leans forward and said ``... Look at 12 Norwegian stereotypes and attempt to separate the truth from the house asked for somecondoms for a. Stairway to heaven Ragnar we are all hear with vasgonna cut da grass today, come hell or high!! Rest of the instructions read more `` What 's this? `` What the hell are you babbling about!. Look at 12 Norwegian stereotypes and attempt to separate the truth from the.. 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